Hey, everyone wish my father and me luck, we are both about to go overseas, me to afghanistan, him to iraq, and this is his last deployment.

I liked the three perspective combo that was involved in this, all leading up to the finale. For the first two, you just kind of wonder why they are even in the same story, than the third part slams them together (literally) into a fairly original work. Great job on this one.

Khrysalis: Fantasy
Main characters: Oryus Mullarian, Lynda

Oryus Mullarian: Commonly known as the Green Dragon because he single-handedly defeated a green dragon in battle. A member of the DeL species (Demon-Like)
Oryus Mullarian left his homeland of The Abandoned Country (A large desert like country) to discover a cure for the strange disease causing his entire species to be unable to mate. Lynda, a half human, half tiger mix left her homeland to seek a way to stop the undead plague that has all but made her species extinct. Fate happens to bring them together, when taking the exact same lead from opposite ends of the world bring them to an unknown library of the EL. (Elf-Like) A discovery is made that could cure one of the two species, but that also makes Oryus and Lynda fugites, wanted by the humans and DweL (Dwarf-Like) Oryus, able to undersatnd the discovery to it's fullest, knows that iy will only cure ONE major plague. He must choose between His species or this new, mysterious feeling known as love. And while he runs, an unknown DreL (Dragon-Like) bounty hunter closes the gap...

Unnamed story (could use some help with this one)
Main characters: Mark, Lloyd, Jack, Ciara
Mark: No last name, and was born with the odd ability to attract chaos. Plus, he has a demonically possesed B-B gun that has the ability to move it's target into every possible dimension, and then blow them up in all of them. Lloyd: Mark's best friend, has a angeliccaly possesed golf ball launcher that moves it's terget one dimension to the left, (no, I do not know what that means) and can find food, in an untarnished state, ANYWHERE. Jack: Owns a tank, carries about twenty guns under his trench coat, dumb as a brick, and possessed by every god or goddess that no one believes in anymore. And Ciara: able to make any man in the world fall in love with her except for jack, who she is in love with. Her clothes can magically change to whatever is most popular in the world due to them being controlled by the spirit of fashion. How long do you think these four will last when the entire world declares war on them? Pretty long, is my guess.

Annd
Grabbed
Main characters: Soldier.
Soldier is an unnamed, well, soldier who was betrayed by the PIC (Paranormal Investigative Corps) and left for dead behind enemy lines. However, constant contact with paranormal activities has given soldier a second chance. He wakes up as a ghoul, or an intelligent zombie, after the PIC unleashes a few new species of monsters on their enemies, the NSU (New soviet Republic) With no caring whatsoever about civilian casualties.Soldier wakes up right in the middle of the three way war between these three new forces, and finds himself on a new side, with only two goals: Rescue the civilians located at a nearby nuclear plant, and exact his revenge on an unknown man in the PIU known only as 300.

Well, those are my three story ideas. Tell me what you think from the short descriptions, and I'll start to put these up either here, on my site, or both. Just give me a shout out. Thanks.

Okay, now that i look at it, this might have been a bad idea. Um, if you think it wasn't, go ahead and post, but I just realized it's pretty hard to just write on demand. So, um, sorry bout this. I'll put up something better soon.

Personally, I develop stories around my characters. I make my main characters before i even think, "Now what would these guys be doing?" The world kind of flows around them. This style doesn't always work though, because sometimes the world outside of the characters seems kind of dull. But that is a good way to start the design of your story, though. Just give it a shot sometime.

The rules: You have 5 minutes to write, edit, revise, whatever you want, and post the poem. I've discovered that you can find out things about your writing that you've never noticed before if you write up a quick, trash poem. I am going to post mine below

Quick Write

I am going to write this quickly
As quickly as I can
Just to see how well I will
Write in a short time span

If I tried to write this poem
Over quite a long time
My mind might register mistakes
In lettering and rhyme

So if this poem stinks
And flows as bad as Hell
Only has a few rhymes
And no rhythm... Oh well.

For this poem, you see
Was made on a whim
An experiment of sorts
So it might just be a sin

So please don't take this serious
Just keep laughing as you go
And hopefully soon I will write
A poem with more flow

Alright, that is my poem. Written, in only FIVE minutes. According to some of my friends, it's really good, but I didn't write it to be so. I'd love to see what you guys can throw out. Also, it's easier if you just write the first thing that pops into your head. Thanks for reading.

Also, review is appreciated, but I'm not going to do any more work on this poem, as that kind of ruins the point.

Great job, John. I only recently started, and Have already met DeftAndEvil, but I hope that soon i will get to know more of you and to read your works, and to have you read mine. Also, what are some interesting forms of poetry, because i only know the basics and would like to experiment on other forms. Thank you.

Thank you for the thorough review, and I believe that you have caught a few of the discrepencies in this poem. I will rewrite, and hopefully improve, several parts of this poem.

This poem isn't the worst I've ever read, but not the best ever. The constant shifts in rhythm made it slightly difficult to fully understand, so you might want to smooth that out a little. And as far as what this poem means, I believe that it represents the human will, searching for something, or someone.

I forgot i even posted this. Ha!

At 5/11/11 09:31 AM, FUNKbrs wrote:

At 5/11/11 03:59 AM, Terlon wrote: Thank you very much for the feedback. I believe that i see what you mean by a problem with rhythm. When i said it out loud, something seemed... off. Hopefully, I can figure out what and edit it.

THere's only a few syllable count discrepancies, but otherwise this is actually one of the better things I've read on NG so far.

And I'm a huge asshole, so that should count for more.

Um, thank you for your polite words, and you are correct, a compliment by an asshole is quite awesome.

Thank you very much for the feedback. I believe that i see what you mean by a problem with rhythm. When i said it out loud, something seemed... off. Hopefully, I can figure out what and edit it.

I am only replying due to the fact that i have yet to get a single response, and i truly want feedback on this. This is the only time i will do this, to move it back to the top. Please, someone reply.

Mountain
The mountain I climb
Is a mountain of sand
For every step forward
I slide just as far back

Many have climbed
This never ending mountain
Forever collapsing
As they slowly grind on

I can see others
Climbing up as well
For I recognize the face
Already on myself

Why is it we climb
Without ever stopping?
What is it at the top
That is worth getting to?

I have but one more,
one more question to ask
Before i leave this mountain
And try a different path.

Even though we lost much
And we try from many sides
In many different manners
We have always tried.

So why, exactly,
Through trials and tribulations
Have we always pushed on
And have never given up?

Tell me what you think, and if you'd like to see a little more of my work, go to www.oryuswriting.net. It's only been upabout a month, so there isn't much on it yet. Thank you.

Fairly good. The descriptions were great, though might i say they seemed like you rushed a couple at the end. Also, the actual conversation seemed a little cliche'd, but a very good interpretation of it. You have a nice, slightly unique style that I believe you can easily expand on. And i must add, with the actual flow of your story, you could make a good songwriter or poet. Try writing something with a little rhythm. I believe you would do a great job. Keep up the good work, and I hope to see more of your writing.

It's a very good death scene, but even as a warrior, I don't see her simply throwing him over her shoulder and walking down the street. It needs to be a bit more dramatic, because you pulled me in, but right there, where she just chucks him on her shoulder and walks off, you lost me. Other than that, great job.

I must say that I quite njoy your writing, and that I'm a bit of a beginning writer myself. If you have any good tips or want to read some of my stuff, go ahead and PM me. Also, i found the fourth poem to be fairly surreal, yet surprisingly able to draw you in. Good work. I also think I might be the only person to think this.

Thank you for the very good review, and i must say that i agree with several things that i had not noticed. I'm not sure if this is what you meant, but i was actually trying to change the flow up to the end. Although, now that i look at it, I think i made the change too hard. Thank you once more for the honest and helpful review.

Also, I'm not trying to advertise, but I just want some people to read my work, I have a site that contains my writing. I wont put it here, but if you are interested, PM me.

I've decide to post whit i would consider my worst piece of writing. A lot of people i know like it, though, so i want to see what you guys think, and i might put up some more stuff!

The Eternal Warrior

Back in ancient times
I would hit you with a club
I slowly learned to use a spear
To swing a sword,
To shoot a bow.
I defended many cities.
I besieged just as many
I led the crusades
I held the Muslim cities
I learned to fire muskets
To kill from far away
A puff of smoke
A spot of blood
My enemy would fall
My musket became better
Could fire faster, further
The world in war
I'm on both sides
Shooting at my self

I defend in peace
I attack in war
I'm the eternal warrior
I do not fall in battle.

I am an IT. Why do you ask?

Hey, I am recently new to the military, Navy, Currently in Pensacola Florida. Just saw this group and decided i'd join.

No no no... I have already written these stories. I just want to see how others will doo, given the same info i had in my head when i wrote them. I'm interested in the different perspectives of the stories. BTW, I didn't actually want them made into games, just stories. Sorry if that was confusing. Hope thatcleared things up.

Okay, I have a list, about 30 ot so, of characters i have always wanted to see in a good story. However, i am not a good enought Writer. There are 5 stories: Accidental Chaos, Essence, Battlefield, Mettre and one other without a name yet. The lists are quite detailed, so if you want to see one, or all, just PM me. I would really like to see how others would write these stories.

Not too bad. Not a big fan of romantic, would rather write other types, but not bad. Simple, yet elegant.

pretty good, but a little more futuristic than i was thinking. Good anyway.

At 10/20/10 01:11 AM, homsarrunner3 wrote: I'm writing a story almost exactly like that.(link to chapter 1 in sig, and I made it before this thread began so no claiming copycat) i guess it is kind of a cliche timeframe or whatever.

Um, my story isn't actually that much like yours, plus, there isn't any story. The story of my world isn't supposed to be written by me, or the other five. It's supposed to be written by the people who read the story. BTW, Your story was pretty good.

Okay, if you are out there and enjoy writing fantasy, i have an idea. What it is, is that I and the best Five ideas sent to are going to create a Fantasy world, one or two contries each. WE are then going to each create a couple of heros or villians and begin a story about them. The character or characters that are created must be from one of your countries. After that, we will leaveit up to you, the readers, to expand on our characters story. However, to make sure of no improper (you know what I mean) stories, they must first be sent to the creator of that character, who will post it with the name of the actual writer at the top. I just want to see how far this can go. Your first e-mail should be the first story, plus a description of the countries and characters.

2 rules to follow on writing your story:
1: The world, though fantasy, contains only humans. Magic and the like do exist. Technology and magic both will be advancing greatly during the course of the story. The story begins, timewise, at about the point that the first powder guns have been created
2: The world is called Mettre

Make it as long as you want, though there will be some multi post sections. Also, when i post my first story, expect it to be bad. Most of all, have fun! PM me with stories or questions you might have.

P.S I would also like a few god illistrators (I think i spelt that right) to draw out maps and characters

I hope to hear from you!