Sometimes the rag on a stick doesn't cut it, and I have to hire professional help.

Lucky for me our society is more tolerant of wage theft than of any other kind of theft.

I washed both of my balls... for THIS.

I literally got up out of my bed, walked into the shower, and thought to myself "Self, (I knew it was me talking because I had my cellphone and knew the pin) a clean pair of balls might be really useful today."

Then I got up and not one time did I show anyone my balls, let alone have them inspected for cleanliness.

I could have just walked around with a set of sweaty droopers, and there wouldn't have been a single consequence.

But no, I had to soap up a poof, and scrub down my balls until you could eat off them.

Is anyone ever going to actually eat off them? Probably not, even in a best case scenario. Maybe eat off my wang itself, but not the balls.

I was stopped at a red light, and I couldn't help but think to myself: "I washed my balls for this. If I hadn't taken time to wash my balls, I'd be there by now."

That's weiner puke.

Your dingus threw up it's yogurt.

Try to rehydrate it and feed it some some yogurt.

Looks like he made a pitstop on the way to the hospital....

I can kinda see that. Old 2 liter soda bottles make deceptively good pillows too. Was is one of the curved hip canteens? I bet those fit under the head perfectly.

I haven't tried an indoor hammock, but I really dig outdoor hammocks, and in good weather it's my preference to sleep outside.

She sent me two bowls full of christmas candy... but she poisoned them both with a ton of glitter.

I am very offended.

I think she's been working with Banta Claus, but I can't prove it.

How else does he find my house to poop on it every year?

This crime mystery cannot go unsolved.

(candy not pictured, as I... er, ahem, the children, have already eaten it all)

So like, I have a bed, right?

Queen sized, on a proper bed frame, the whole nine yards.

But like, almost every night, I find myself waking up to pee only to go lay on the floor instead of back to bed.

I'm a chronic insomniac, nightmares wake me up every two hours or so, meaning sleep consists of 4 or so shifts per night.

For about 2/4 of those shifts, I prefer to sleep on the floor.

On hardwood I like to lay on a blanket, but if there's carpet, I'll sleep directly on that, with a blanket over me, and a pillow.

There's been studies that say floor sleeping helps straighten the back

I'm just joking of course; sleep isn't real, and I spend all night wandering from the bathroom to the kitchen.

But seriously, it really works for me, and I'm contemplating making that the main way I sleep, or at least lay down until the nightmares get me.

Testicular cleanliness is under rated.

General IS the fucking shitpoasting forum, genius.

It was the night of Christmas , and on top of my house

That piece of shit Banta Claus was still getting saused.

Porno of chicks in stockings strewn on the shingles

Phone sex advertisements saying "Mingle with singles"

Banta was dancing, way high over head

with a nose caked in bugger sugar, that slightly bled

On the phone with the sherrif, and wearing a strap

Looking for an excuse to have Banta Claus legally clapped.

When on top of the roof, there arose such a skitter

As down slid old Banta Claus in an avalanche of litter

Down on the gutters, he fell with a crash

And I hoped Banta Clause was breathing his last

The cops and the ambulance, lights shining so bright

Shined down so merry on a beautiful sight

Crumpled, disheveled, and hunched at the rear

Lay the body of Banta Claus in a puddle of beer

I yelled at the paramedics, though defended by cops

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING! THIS MADNESS MUST STOP!!"

I blocked their first gurney, at risk to my health

But got shocked by the cops in spite of myself

He was covered in puke, and shit, and his cum

His hair deeply matted and smelling of bum

The shit he had stole in sack on his back

Though wasting provisions it'd gone mostly slack

His eyes, they were sunken, like a leaky old boat

his cheeks sagged like baggage; devoid of all hope

his mouth was all wrinkled in a big toothless smirk

as he scrambled to rise from the snow covered dirt

He had a long record, both criminal and psych

He was nearly a celebrity to cops and doctors alike

He was evil, and cunning, and high as a bat's ass

But high as he was he collapsed in frozen grass

The cops pulled me aside, as doctors went to work

Providing medical aid to that fat evil jerk

And spraying some narcan deep into his hose

with a yell and a curse off the gurney he rose

They sprint for the ambulance, trying to save his life

But not before he cursed with malice and spite

"I hate you, you fucker, and never relax,

Because 12 days from Christmas, I'll be fucking BACK!!!!"

I am not running for mod.

Don't vote for me.

Don't you fucking dare.

Muslims I know for a fact do shit tons of charity. That's basically their entire existence, doing charity shit and fighting oppressors. Both christianity and islam use charity as a strategy to expand their faith. Sikhs even have a weekly free food feast in their religion, with the idea that a large free meal provided by the religion as a whole brings the community together, and also helps support the poor and suffering. Of course, that feast isn't without strings; a sikh is also compelled to work as part of their religion to support the people around them. I think I have heard of the occasional jewish hospital, but I didn't grow up around any.

But yeah, charity and all religions go hand in hand. You gotta do a lot of positive PR to make most religions not look evil.

One more fucking day.

One more goddamn fucking day of this shit, and it will finally be over.

Banta Claus takes meth to stay awake and make my life a living hell for 12 days of Christmas, but it's finally nearly over.

He smokes so much meth on christmas he keeps blowing up cheap lighters.

He likes to take the meth and put it in a glass christmas ornament, then torch it with a cranked up dollar store lighter, the kind you get in the multipack. You know he's getting all kinds of weird coloring chemicals in each hit, but he doesn't give a shit. Then he'll take a sparkler for New years, wrap it around the lighter, set it off, and chuck it off the roof like a fucking flame grenade.

But a living body can only take so much.

Eventually his kidneys are gonna start shutting down like they do every year, and then finally the ambulance will come and diurese him. Eventually his heart gets so stressed from the meth and the liquor he developes a pleural effusion and starts to fail.

So now the puke, piss, and shit are tainted with blood, symbolic of the blood of Christ.

I know I'm screaming out "OH CHRIST!" at least 12 times a day dealing with this bullshit.

He was starting to hallucinate 7 days ago.

He keeps calling me a "little GRINCH" and chucking liquor bottles of piss and stocking stuffed full of shit at me whenever I leave the house.

Oh, how I look forward to the sound of his fat fucking body rolling off the roof and hitting the cold hard ground.

That's my gift this year; that Banta finally fucking dies in my front yard.

It's 5 fucking degrees outside.

Steam is rising from the puddles of piss and piles of shit on the roof.

Occasionally puke that smells like kerosene comes cascading down the gutters.

Yup, Banta Claus is at my house again, this time screaming "christmas" carols at the tops of his drunk ass lungs.

But the fat dipshit is too drunk to remember the words.

He's just yelling "penis" over and over again to the tune of "Jingle Bells"

Penis, Penis

Penis, Penis

Penis penis penis penis penis

Penis penis penis penis

Penis penis penis penis penis

PENIS

Penis, penis

Penis, penis

Penis penis penis penis penis

Penis penis penis penis penis penis

Penis penis penis penis penis penis!

Penis penis penis

Penis penis penis penis penis

Penis penis penis penis penis

Penis penis penis penis penis

PENIS PENIS PENIS

Penis penis penis

Penis penis penis

Penis penis penis penis

Penis penis penis penis penis

PENIS!

I swear to holy fuck christmas cannot get here soon enough.

this fat drunken fuck nut took a fucking shit down the exhaust fan line in the bathroom, so now everytime I turn on the fan to suck the stink out of the shitter, the fan sprays feces in a fine mist all over the fucking place.

I just want five minutes of peace to wrap up presents for my family.

BUT NO, THE SHITMAS FAIRY IS CAMPED OUT ON MY FUCKING ROOF BOILING UP MOONSHINE AND SCRUBBING HIS RANCID BUTTHOLE ON MY SHINGLES.

Nobody will help because they don't believe me, either.

Dear sweet 9 pound healthy baby jesus, please let this fat fuck slip on his own shit, fall off my roof, and fucking die in the next 30 minutes, amen.

You don't have to powerwash "dreams" off your driveway.

I think it's important to remember in this time of goth revivalism that canonically, goth girls are morbidly obese.

And that's okay.

But I'm seeing the "morbidly obese goth girl" being erased from goth history, and that is not fucking cool.

Why do you think the stereotype is "Big tiddy goth girl" ?

Big tiddy girls=fat girls.

Again, this is fine.

But quit trying to be goth without being fat.

Goth is supposed to be a style for women who are not conventionally attractive.

Stop putting cheerleaders in black lingerie and calling it "goth"

Goth is supposed to be a fat dude in a dress.

Which is fine.

---signed, a dude who had goth friends in the 90's

You had me at "(not a cult)"

There's no such thing as the alt-right pipeline.

Of him banging my mom.

Whyfuck would he do this?

This shit is so unfucking necessary.

He acts like I didn't see the chocolate steamer he left in my driveway, or all the busted whiskey bottles.

I think he pisses in the the whiskey bottles before he smashes them, too.

The fuck did I do wrong this year to deserve this? What in the fuck could anyone have possibly done to deserve this shit?

I called the cops and they fucking laughed at me. FUCKING LAUGHED.

My shoe is covered in skittery alcoholic diarrhea, but the police got JOKES.

Listen to a 500 pound man stomping on your roof making sumo squat shits and tell me that's fucking funny.

I threatened him and he flashed a fucking piece at me. The fat bastard asked me if I was feeling lucky like he was a fat dirty harry. Then he put 3 holes in my roof just to let me know he wasn't playing.

I'd move, but I kind of already did and he still found me.

The fuck am I supposed to do? Christmas is in 5 fucking days and it's gonna keep getting worse.

I fucking hate coverbands. I mean, if you're gonna play shitty music, at least play your own shit.

Imagine writing a song and having a mob of cringelords steal it and ruin it.

What are your plans for the Saturnalia orgy?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturnalia

I'm gonna do the traditional eat too much, drink too much, smoke too much, bang the crap out of my girlfriend.

Any of you planning on like, playing too many videogames and putting a fresh coat on your body pillow?

Can confirm

Sometimes you just have to let the damaged part of the nail grow out.

Also, sometimes you have to put a hole in the nail to release the pressure of built up fluid.

But yeah, nails just take forever to grow and recover from damage.

I'm a big fan of good old fashioned parachord/shoestrings. use a prussik knot to attach a foot or so of lighter melted parachord (so the ends don't fray) and then use a shoestring knot to hold things together. That way the string can stay attached when you uncoil it.

Here is the issue:

Latinos are an ethnicity, a group of families.

Blacks are an ethnicity, a group of families

Whiteness is a power structure that is not exclusive to any set of families or genetics.

The japanese consider themselves white. They are paler than other asians. They're not european, but they very much used racial purity as a reason to exterminate and colonize other asian groups.

When the Nazis and Japanese met, they allied with each other, being united in the ide of "whiteness" as a method of creating and preserving power, even though genetically they were very different from one another.

When the Normans invaded Britain, the native Saxons were declared non-white. Noone today would consider a dark haired brown eyed Saxon to be non-white today. But compared to a blond haired blued eyed Norman, Saxons aren't white.

Whiteness, unlike a biological ancestry, requires power to exist. White supremacy is about the power to determine who is and isn't white, not the idea that white people are in danger of going extinct.

A lot of people don't know Cherokee natives are white. They owned vast tracts of slaves, and genetically they were 50-75% biologically irish after hundreds of years of interbreeding. They were also christian by their government. They believed the Chickasaw to be non-white, and used that as an excuse to act as mercenaries driving the Chickasaw off their land in order to establish Cherokee slave plantations.

Here we have three continents, Asia, Europe, and America, all with concepts of "whiteness" that have nothing to do with ethnicity or genetics. We also see groups of whites that are not the same race, like the germans and the japanese, and the cherokee and the irish, recognizing each other's power status and accepting them as white despite having no specific genetics.

See the fear of the loss of power? It's not about being considered "white" and associated with white stereotypes. It's about not having the power to make people who criticize you shut up and not make you feel bad.

Even though there are 5 major genetically distinct dark skinned tribes in Africa, black people don't get to choose when they're held responsible for things their specific racial group are associated with. That's because they lack power.

What do nazis shout? It's not "Whites Forever!"

It's "WHITE POWER!"

They're disingenuous when they pretend whites are in threat of ceasing to exist. A future for white children has already been well provided for long ago.

In order to defend yourself, you must have something threatening you.

Who is exterminating white people? Who are the threats to white children?

There aren't any.

So when the concept of whiteness is invoked, it's not about defending anything. It's about declaring enemies (out group non-whites) and expressing a motivation to attack them. The fact there is no description of what makes someone white in the 14 words is the sign the whole concept of whiteness is busllhit.

What you should tell your son, when people make him feel bad for not being pure mexican, is that the mestizos have always had mixed ancestry with the mexica natives and the spanish, and unless they want to condemn him in Nahuatl, the native mexican language, they can kiss his white-spanish ass, because being part white means he's EXTRA mexican.

I think that races don't require preservation, as humankind is a constantly evolving stew of genetics, and as such requires interconnected cyclic hybrid vigor in order to maintain the genetic flexibility required for all living things on this planet to continue to do so. Humankind won't even be the same species in 2 million years, let alone have the same racial subspecies.

That's not how genetics work. That's not how evolution works. Sentient life, the kind of life you can identify with empathetically, isn't even all contained in the human species, let alone any human race or subspecies.

Whiteness, the idea of a blank, default race that's vaguely european but isn't necessarily bound to an individual nation or family, is a bullshit concept for racists. The fact that groups that at one time were not considered white like jews, the irish, or italians, but who are now considered white or at least "non-foreign" is proof whiteness has no hard, real, factual definition, let alone any underlying truth to it.

Who are the white children of the 14 words? Who decides what "whiteness" is? Are queers white? There seems to be a push right now to treat queers as out group. Historical nazis felt the same. How are the modern Proud Boys different from historical nazis who took up arms for the same reasons?

The Nazis didn't come for the jews first. They came for criminals and illegal immigrants first. Then they came for the mentally ill. Then they came for the queers, THEN they came for the Jews and the Roma. Hell, they came for the communists too.

So yes, very much, I say preservation of one race, at the cost of another, is a very bad thing, a thing based on a false model of reality, which, though strong, is fatally flawed, and has cycled into popularity every few hundred years, then failed catastrophically because of it's fatal flaws time and time again.

The Nazis did not call themselves the First Reich. They called themselves the Third Reich, considering themselves a part of a much larger tradition dating back to Roman Fascism and Greek Fascism, cultures who used the symbol of the fasces, the many poled axe, in their official seals.

From the Nazis I grew up with, some of whom have been convicted of hate crimes. There's a documentary about one of them on youtube if you'd like a link.

Maybe you didn't grow up around Klansmen and Nazis, but I sure did.

It's really not.

The Nazis weren't fairytale hobgoblins. They were real people, and were well known for being very well mannered and gracious.

The Nazis didn't think they were wrong. They honestly believed murdering and robbing all the jews would make a better future for germany. They were well aware of germany's vast coal reserves and central location made germany's leading role they enjoy today in europ inevitable.

The nazis weren't bumbling goofy cartoon villains. They were very real people who honestly believed in their cause because they'd be lied to.

They are no different from the modern nazis we see today other than by era.

Keep in mind, I am a BIIIIIIG fan of Hate, and have studied it my whole life.

The problem with nazis, and all white supremacists, is they love their own people and can't see fault because of their loyalty.

Do you know the 14 words of the white supremacist creed? Hate is not any of those words.

"We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children"

That's all you have to believe to be a Nazi. Anyone who believes that is a real, 100% historically accurate nazi.

What can I say? The british were right about ending slavery.