This is a job for @FUNKbrs !

At 5/22/18 02:53 PM, Zymbot wrote: Netflix needs to make this.

Full 13 episode order.

I'd fund it.

this seems fine.

At 5/22/18 02:55 PM, HeadMistressSeven wrote:

At 5/22/18 02:53 PM, Zymbot wrote: Netflix needs to make this.

Full 13 episode order.

I'd fund it.

The name of the show should be "The Meming of Life".

At 5/22/18 03:00 PM, billybobthwarten wrote: this seems fine.

No memes or FUNK saving us?

At 5/22/18 04:14 PM, Dancing-Ducki wrote:

I'd fund it.

The name of the show should be "The Meming of Life".

You always have the best ideas.

The best.

Lel memes are just a distraction from the real threat

At 5/22/18 04:46 PM, Kieran wrote: Lel memes are just a distraction from the real threat

Some memes are a real threat

At 5/22/18 04:45 PM, HeadMistressSeven wrote:

At 5/22/18 03:00 PM, billybobthwarten wrote: this seems fine.

No memes or FUNK saving us?

At 5/22/18 04:14 PM, Dancing-Ducki wrote:

I'd fund it.

The name of the show should be "The Meming of Life".

You always have the best ideas.

The best.

*takes a bow* Thank you, milady

At 5/22/18 04:50 PM, Zymbot wrote: Who plays FUNKbrs in the Netflix series? Ben Affleck? Matt Damon? Patton Oswalt?

Funk is really rugged and badass.

I see someone more like Jon Bernthal.

At 5/22/18 04:45 PM, HeadMistressSeven wrote:

At 5/22/18 03:00 PM, billybobthwarten wrote: this seems fine.

No memes or FUNK saving us?

memestinction

All year-specific sci-fi is bullshit anyway.

At 5/22/18 04:47 PM, HeadMistressSeven wrote:

At 5/22/18 04:46 PM, Kieran wrote: Lel memes are just a distraction from the real threat

Some memes are a real threat

How?

At 5/22/18 05:11 PM, Painbringer wrote: All year-specific sci-fi is bullshit anyway.

The closest we've ever come is the Cubs winning the World Series (one year later).

Meant to edit, not reply.

I'm not the hero you asked for.

I'm not even the hero you deserve.

I'm no hero at all.

I'm the man with the memes.

At 5/22/18 05:29 PM, FUNKbrs wrote:
I'm the man with the memes.

Therefore, you are a hero.

At 5/22/18 05:32 PM, Dancing-Ducki wrote:

At 5/22/18 05:29 PM, FUNKbrs wrote:
I'm the man with the memes.

Therefore, you are a hero.

Exactly, this is exactly the attitude the protagonist of our Netflix series needs to have!

At 5/22/18 06:31 PM, HeadMistressSeven wrote:

At 5/22/18 05:32 PM, Dancing-Ducki wrote:

At 5/22/18 05:29 PM, FUNKbrs wrote:
I'm the man with the memes.

Therefore, you are a hero.

Exactly, this is exactly the attitude the protagonist of our Netflix series needs to have!

FunkBRS, our vigilante memelord laying waste to the meme guards with his trusty meme cannon fueled by hatred. Anyone willing to write the script?

At 5/22/18 05:29 PM, FUNKbrs wrote: I'm not the hero you asked for.

I'm not even the hero you deserve.

I'm no hero at all.

I'm the man with the memes.

Heroes suck anyway. Better to be the man with the memes.

By the way, if you need a sidekick for comedic relief, I'm on it.

His fingers rattled against the keyboard. He didn't have much time.

The sound of four pairs of heavy boots marching through the hallway made him grit his teeth. A drop of sweat fell and landed on his screen, creating a rainbow of pixels where it fell. He heard a door open, and a man speaking tersely to a scared woman, too muffled by the thin walls to be understood.

His fingers flew faster.

"He's not here, okay? I don't know where he is!" the woman's voice wailed.

The terse man's voice did not change in pitch or volume. The woman began to sob.

The man on the keyboard in the dark worked feverishly.

He heard the terse man speak a single loud word, then the thump and crash of a booted foot bursting through a locked door.

The woman's muffled sobs were joined by the grunts of a young man, maybe a teen, and the sounds of boots impacting wet flesh. First the impact, then the grunt, in rapid succession. Then the grunts stopped, but the impacts continued.

She screamed, cutting through the cheap walls of the tenement.

"You goddamn monsters! How could you do this? They were only mem-----"

But her words were cut short by another wet impact.

The terse man spoke again, and the sound of two pairs of boots and two different heavy loads being dragged on the ground faded into the distance.

Then the terse man's voice grew close enough to be understood.

The man with the keyboard bit his lip, tasting something metallic. He slipped a hand into the bulge in his jacket pocket.

"There's more here. There were multiple signals. That boy wasn't the one we want. We can't wait for reinforcements. He knows we're here now. We have to hurry before he bolts. Don't knock."

The door of the man with the keyboard's apartment burst, spraying him with splinters. The terse man's lackey stormed in, manacles in his left hand, a black jack in his right.

The man with the keyboard never turned around. He pressed a single button, and raised his lap top screen over his left shoulder.

The lackey wailed in horror, clutching his stomach and wretching violently, covering his legs and boots in his own vomit.

The terse man steps over his lackey, gritting his teeth but undaunted.

"Goatse. You son of a bitch."

The man with the keyboard held still, not turning around, still holding his laptop. The lackey made an embarrassing mess of himself, collapsing in his own pile of vomit as his empty stomach continued to heave.

"That's violation of order 7331. I hereby arrest you by the authority of Meta. Put down the laptop and surrender quietly, or prepare to be silenced."

The man with the lap top was frozen, still not turning around to face his accuser. Hidden from view, his right hand crept into his jacket pocket

The terse man grabbed the com on his shoulder.

"Suspect located. Send reinforcements. Officer down. Suspect is in possession of weapons grade memes. I repeat, weapons grade memes confirmed."

His hand slipped off the com, and slid his blackjack out of it's holster.

"Didn't you hear me you bastard? I said you're under arrest! Put down the laptop and surrender quietly, or prepare to be silenced!"

The taste in the memer's mouth was no longer just metallic. It was hot and savory. He teeth stained red through his grimace. The memer slowly placed the ball of his right foot behind the heel of his left, angling his hips against the arms of his office chair. He was only going to get one shot.

The terse man raised his blackjack; no more talking. He took one step forward....

The memer's tendons snapped like a bowstring, propelling the wheeled office chair behind him with ballistic velocity at the same time his right hand snatched the bulge from his pocket, slinging a cloud of red dust into the face of the terse man even as the impact of the chair doubled him over. The memer's second move folded the laptop under his left arm in the same motion as his left foot crashed into the terse man's face. The memer's third step was on the body of the terse man, driving down as hard as he could as he sprinted through the cloud of toxic dust.

The terse man's voice was once again muffled by walls and distance to the ears of the memer by the time he recovered, coughing and sputtering as tears streamed down his face. Too late, he realized his mistake. He never saw the cayenne attack coming.

"Your spices won't save you next time, Memelord! We found you once! We'll find you again!"

But by the time the terse man finished his sentence, Memelord was long gone, the silence of his absence screaming louder than any other response.

Next time they crossed him, they were getting the Sauce.

I need a hero.

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night.

At 5/23/18 10:48 AM, FUNKbrs wrote: His fingers rattled against the keyboard. He didn't have much time.

This had me glued to the screen. I was kinda hoping it'd be pocket sand, but alright. I'd watch it.

At 5/23/18 10:48 AM, FUNKbrs wrote:

Next time they crossed him, they were getting the Sauce.

Yes!!!!!

At 5/24/18 07:56 AM, RightTime wrote:l.

Why not the Rock?

I'd be ok with this too

"Goddamnit Memelord, if you keep going after the Space Projector, they're going to catch you!"

"You told me the paisley net was uncrackable, Jowls."

"The paisley net IS uncrackable, Memelord! I designed it myself by applying rule #34 to oscillating left quarks. You can't get on the paisley net without a left quark network drive, and even then you have to have a neutrino screen AND some quark porn strong enough to excite the left quarks into oscillating. Even if the engineers at Meta have a left quark network drive, there's no way they would both know that rule #34 works on left quarks AND know what kinks a quark enough to make it oscillate."

"What if they captured a left quark drive with quark porn preloaded?"

"You mean like how they cracked the chevron net? Look, if you make the network accessible, it's going to have leaks. You should have never given that kid down the hall your old production network drive. For all we know, he was the leak."

"You know they got him, right? Him and his mom."

"Shit....." the jowly faced tech shook his bald head, wincing.

"Look, you've got to let the next generation seize the memes of production. There's no point in preserving the Gallery of pre-war memes if it doesn't get passed down. If the Gallery never gets leaked, Meta wins."

"Goddamnit Memelord, a lot of bad stuff came out of the Memeneva convention after the Third Meme War, but are you really telling me you trust a KID with tubgirl, or lemon party?"

"Control is an illusion, Jowls. Taking the memes out of the good guys hands just means only the bad guys have memes."

Jowls sighed.

"Maybe the Meta is right. Maybe memes really are too powerful for any individual to be trusted with."

"This isn't about right and wrong, Jowls. The pandora's box of memes was opened before any of us were born. Mankind will either learn to live with memes, or the memes will learn to live without mankind."

"You're talking about bot memes."

"Yeah. If someone ever hacks the Meta's mechameme botnet, every four year old on the planet could be exposed to Pink Sock. Is that what you really want?"

"You're really going to do it, aren't you? You're really going to hack the Space Projector and spam B on the surface of the moon?"

"I'm going to make Memerica great again, Jowls."

Jowl's blue eyes widened in admiration.

"May the Sauce be with you, Memelord."

Memelord smiled, for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, and pulled up his sleeve, revealing a tiny bottle of homegrown habanero sauce taped to his wrist.

"And with you, Jowls."

"Just promise me one thing, Memelord."

"What's that?"

"Next time you see that jack booted bastard that broke my spine and put me in this chair, sauce him square in the eye."

"I may never get justice, but I've got Meme Sauce, and that's good enough for me."

@FUNKbrs

I literally laughed out loud at , "Memeneva convention."

At 5/24/18 11:10 AM, HeadMistressSeven wrote: @FUNKbrs

I literally laughed out loud at , "Memeneva convention."

I've already got the third scene mapped out in my head.

At 5/24/18 11:51 AM, FUNKbrs wrote:

At 5/24/18 11:10 AM, HeadMistressSeven wrote: @FUNKbrs

I literally laughed out loud at , "Memeneva convention."

I've already got the third scene mapped out in my head.

Wow. What started out as a joke is actually going places. And, honestly, I hope we do make this into a full series.

Meta Headquarters is built of square angles. Everything is level. Everything is flat. Everything is equal.

Commander Terse takes a deep breath, never losing a step as he marches with eerie speed down the hall to the Chief's office. His eyes are bloodshot red.

"Commander Terse reporting sir."

"What's wrong with your eyes, Terse? What did that bastard do to you?"

"Cayenne sir. Ancient ayurvedic warfare trick."

"Good God, he used a chemical agent on you?"

"Yes sir. Apparently he learned about capsaicin by studying spicy memes."

"What about Private Lackey?"

"He's fine sir, we just sent him home to get cleaned up. The bastard used Goatse without conscience."

The Chief's voice fell to a hush.

"Goatse?!"

"An original pre war copy. If I hadn't had antisensitivity training, I'd be no better off than Lackey."

"Goatse is one of the Elder Memes, Terse. Most people have only seen the reenactment taken in 2043 used in the Second Meme War, without the ring."

"It was the Frenchman himself, Chief, ring and all."

"So our worst fears are true. The Gallery still exists, and Memelord has a copy."

"But we have the boy and his mother, and we have the boy's production network drive."

"There was a copy of the Gallery on the drive, wasn't there?"

"We haven't cracked the memory on it yet sir. For whatever reason the left quarks have stopped oscillating when we display the neutrino screen images."

"Quark porn gets stale over time. It's the same problem we had with the chevron drive we found."

The chief covered his eyes.

"You saw what Goatse did to Lackey, Terse. There is 3 guys 1 hammer in the Gallery. Do you have any idea what would happen to the common Meta citizen if they were exposed to Ogrish?"

For the first time, Terse showed a hint of emotion. Sadness.

"Our whole society, our whole structure, is based on mental sanitation. Keep the mind free from destructive viral memes, keep up a constant flow of healthy positive memes. All memes the same, every thing standard. We built a space projector, just to put nice, friendly, positive, and inspirational memes on the moon every night. And now here's Memelord, bringing back the Bad Old Days, and salty, spicy, viral memes. We were able to increase life expectancies for six whole weeks for Meta citizens when we finally banned all spices and food seasonings. Every time a Meta citizen is exposed to a black market meme, they lose three days from their total life expectancy. The entire population of the planet could lose three days of their life if Memelord manages to get a hold of the space projector on the night of the full moon."

"I am not going to stop until I catch him, Chief. It's personal now."

"You're our best agent, Terse. Let the boy and the woman make a full recovery. Then interrogate the boy, using his mother as leverage. That boy knows Memelord. That's Memelord's old production network drive; it's not the first one we've captured. Do whatever you have to do, but catch Memelord before they develop a net we can't track again. If he gets his hands on the space projector, he could spam anything up there."

"I'm going to get that son of a bitch."

"Your anger worries me, Terse. The whole point of Meta culture is that only positive emotions are allowed. Your interactions with Memelord are affecting you."

"Look Chief, no one has done more for Meta than me. I put my self in danger every night, keeping dirty viral memes from infecting the streets."

"That's why I worry about you Terse. I meant it when I said you're our best agent. We can't afford to lose you. I don't want to see you getting hurt again. You deserve to retire on a big pension."

"One more catch, Chief. One more, and I can retire. Let me be the one to bring Memelord in."

The Chief shook his head.

"If I had a better agent than you, you'd already be off the street. I don't feel good about this."

"I'm going to get Memelord. I'll squeeze the information out of the boy. Meta is safe as long as I'm on the beat."

"For the sake of both of us, I hope you're right Terse. I hope you're right."

At 5/24/18 09:23 PM, FUNKbrs wrote:

"I'm going to get Memelord. I'll squeeze the information out of the boy. Meta is safe as long as I'm on the beat."

"For the sake of both of us, I hope you're right Terse. I hope you're right."

No one is good enough to catch Memelord.

No one.

At 5/24/18 09:27 PM, HeadMistressSeven wrote:
No one is good enough to catch Memelord.

No one.

Alright, what do we need to do to make this an actual series?